first time

She ran ahead, jumping and skipping, calling out warning to approaching bicycles and people too. Too young to be manning a herd of angry buffaloes, she took pride in the fact that the job was hers. Everything about her went against it, she was 13, a girl and also of lower caste. She knew all of this and yet she was happy. Her caste did not matter at all; her father was the chief of their village, a proud indomitable man who loved her. Even though she was a girl, she was the most loved in her family. The elders called her a miracle baby, her mother was very close to death when she conceived her. Somehow, by the will of God, not only did she survive the pregnancy, but ever since has not had a single health problem. She was proud that she was so lucky for her mother. The men from town didn’t think so. They came to interview her father but used insulting words like ‘anpadh’ (illiterate); ‘andhvishwasi’ (superstitious). They made claims of telling the world their problems but had made them out to be ‘anpadh’. They weren’t. She was the most literate girl in the village. She knew all the Vedas by heart. Those men from town were ‘anpadh’; they couldn’t even speak their language. Still they felt they were superior. Sometimes she didn’t understand the world at all.

*

As she got home after handing over the herd to the servant, she entered the house whistling to herself, she was walking into the courtyard when suddenly her mother yanked her into the kitchen. She caught a glimpse of someone sitting on the ‘charpai’ (cot) with her father.

Her mother made her cover her head and take in the tea. He was a large man who sat with his frame erect. He wore a white dhoti with an ‘angrezi’ (English) shirt and lots of gold. He even had a gold tooth. As she walked forward she couldn’t stop staring at that tooth. Fascinating. Was he born with it?

Her father’s uproarious laughter broke the spell. He introduced the man as someone out of town; as the man turned to look at her, she was momentarily shocked. He wasn’t too old. 30 maybe... but what was most captivating were his eyes. He had the greenest eyes she had ever seen, endless pools of green sea. Her mother’s sharp voice called her in and she left, puzzled at her father’s stern gaze.

Her mother grabbed the tray away from her and sent her to her room. Increasingly more confused, she walked back to her room, her m mind still reeling from the encounter. It seemed as if she would never forget those eyes.

Almost at her door, she heard goodbyes. Loud, hearty ones belonging to her father; quiet, dignified ones belonging to the stranger. His voice was addictive like smooth butter... it was deep and soft and strong. Just listening to that bodiless voice could have given her reason to live for the rest of her life. Suddenly the door closed with a loud bang and she snapped out of her reverie. Was he really gone? Part of her wanted to run out after him; and the other part wanted to know why.

Her father’s quick footsteps coming closer pleased her. He would tell her who the stranger was and why he had come. Her mother ran behind her father, begging him to stay calm. Confused, she ran forward to ask him what was wrong but stopped as her father came to stand in front of her. He started shouting, screaming, he called her a bitch, a whore, with no morals. He slapped her, again and again, he kicked her. Her mother fell on top of her to protect her and he kicked her instead. Suddenly he stopped and pulled her mother up. As he reached for her she screamed and ran away; hair loose, blood streaming down her face mixed with tears.

She ran into her room slamming the door, screaming and crying uncontrollably. She wondered what her fault was... she cursed herself her again and again, wishing she had died before angering her father.

*

In the evening, her mother got hot water and turmeric to clean her wounds. As she bandaged her, she explained her father’s behaviour. The stranger was from town merely passing by. When she had taken the tea and stood and stared at him, he had noticed her and later asked about her age and all. Her father was now scared. What if the stranger had taken a liking to her? What if he asked for her? How would her father say no?

As her mother left, she lay down on the bed to think. For the first time, she had felt something. She had stood and stared at that man for considerable time but she hadn’t even realised she was doing that. Those captivating eyes had held her in a spell and that’s all she knew. She didn’t know about status, caste, marriage, any of it. As she went to sleep; all she saw were those green eyes; those depthless pools. With a smile she turned over and fell asleep.